Guys, Work, and My Life in General

I don't know how to say this
'cuz I'm speechless
I'm lucky I can even write it
it's incredible I can sing it
what you've done to me
no other could ever do

It was always so easy
my words like a waterfall
now I struggle with my river
'cuz all I wanna do
is spend time with you
every moment on paper
every time I say your name
I lose precious few seconds
of that higher state of consciousness
where all that I'm aware of is your love

So please don't think I'm silent
or incredibly shy
when it comes to you
you are my sun
and I'm your planet
no words need to be said
to show that, by your light
I thrive.

One of my secret pleasures... (sshhhhh) don't tell anyone I actually watch the series. ;) Great song, and an anime open filled with Samuraii Reapers is much preferable than the cheesy Music video the band produced.



(well, cept for the bad filler.) :P

I found a great music site, just like Immem but better! It was mentioned in the program I am using to get music.

The site is JWA.fm, but Roadrunner has blocked access to the site. The program I use modifies my network settings, and apparently that lets me sneak past RR for some reason. The downside is that I was going to use that site to embed music into LJ. Ahh well.

So, I made it through Xmas. Christmas eve totally sucked, and I put off going to bed because I had some serious holiday blues. :P Expected. Christmas wasn't bad.. hung out with friends all day in what ended up becoming a make-shift slumber party.



Pretty much we played video games, went to see Sherlock Holmes (which was all "meh"), and then watched Great Teacher Onizuka until 5am. For dinner, I made stuffed artichokes and lasagna. The artichokes sorta sucked, but the lasagna turned out 90% excellent! it was in the oven a little too long so the top got crunchy, but it's all crunchy pasta and cheese, so it adds a nice texture. I kept feeding people into the night, and by the end everybody was stuffed with cinabons and pineapple. :)

Maria kept making fun of the storyline in GTO. BAH! Woman doesn't understand what lies in the hearts of men! I think deep inside every guy there is the feeling that stirs when the superman theme song plays, when Eye of the Tiger creeps into the airwaves, the desire to ride into the sunset. Then again, it could just be me... :P

Heheh.. I guess I just want the chance to give a manly armpump and cry out, "I AM JUSTICE!"

Ahh well.. today was mostly an inactive day. I didn't leave the apartment at all. Just hung out with people.. woke up late. I did encode some karaoke songs. Heheh.. encoding all the sections to "It's Raining Men" took me like a hour! There are three singing sections in the Weather Girls' version! So I had to listen to the song so many times creating a whole set of lyrics for each part.



So today, I'll embark on another foolish project before New Years. Not sure the exact details.. all I know is I have to do it. :P



Sleepy.. good night.

Hey, so, it's my birthday. I'm 22!

(All of my clients are freaked out about this. "I thought you were older than that! You're just a baby!" Well, I am a year and a half ahead of schedule.)

For a long time I had issues with the right-after-Christmasness of my birthday (see: never having a birthday party on actual day of birth; see: parents completely forgetting my 16th birthday because of Christmas), but one of the things I do like about it is getting a new age so close to the New Year. It feels like a total reset -- ok, 2009 was 21, 2010 is 22.

21 was a challenging year, with long-distance friends and lovers and too many hours worked. It was also the first year since I was 14 or 15 where I wasn't actively crazy, where I can count on one hand the number of panic attacks and suicidal ideation and obsessive semi-delusions that used to creep in on all corners of a normal day. I think that's a good thing, though I sort of miss it in a weird Stockholmish way. And I'm wary of saying "ok, it's gone, I'm all better now!" because I don't think it works like that.

21 was a hibernation year, where I didn't accomplish very much. I wrote 25k of a first draft, and two short stories, and revised a couple more. I worked, I saved money, I made a couple of new friends and deeper friendships with a few old acquaintances. 21 was a long deep breath while I got ready and waited for all the awesome things that are going to happen in 22. And honestly? I don't think the awesome things lined up for next year would be happening if I hadn't taken some time off to prepare.

22 is going to be awesome. Right now, I have no plan and no idea what's going to happen after, say, March 8* -- but January (nine whole days with systemcrasher, bopping around the Boston area and then DC, visiting people and writing and having adventures; and then Arisia the next weekend) and February (travel! adventure! accents! academics!) are sufficiently wonderful in and of themselves.

NB: If you are in the Boston area & would like to hang out sometime in Jan 1-3, or if you're in the DC area and would like to hang out sometime in Jan 4-6, you should say something.



*This is not entirely accurate; I don't have a plan because there are three or four plans going "ooh, pick me! pick me!". I'm waiting to hear back from a few different places, and I have one offer that's waiting for me to say yes or no; I just don't have anything definite yet.

Happy holidays to everyone, I hope that Santa Clause brings each and every one of you everything on your wish lists.

We used to chase that boy home from school
We called him freckle faced red headed fool
He was different, he wasn't cool like me
Sticks and stones didn't break any bones
But we never left well enough alone
One day he ran away from home you see
And I passed him as he walked away
And in his eyes I heard him say

One of these days you're gonna love me
You'll sit down by yourself and think
Of all the times you pushed and shoved me
And what good friends we might have been
And then you're gonna sigh a little
And maybe even cry a little
But one of these days you're gonna love me

Patty Sue was a small town beauty
I took one look at her and had to pull her to me
Lord knows she should have seen right through me
When I promised her the world
But at 17 you only want one thing
I left her standing with my high school ring
Innocent tears in a pourin' rain
As I walked away
And I still see her in my dreams
And to this day she's whispering

One of these days you're gonna love me
You'll sit down by yourself and think
About the time you turned from me
And what good friends we might have been
And then you're gonna sigh a little
And maybe even cry a little
But one of these days, you're gonna love me

Now everybody stands up
The congregation sings
It's a song of sweet forgiveness
And as the chorus rings
The wind blows clear my memory
The pages start to turn
And suddenly I'm singing
The moment that I learn

One of these days I'm gonna love me
And feel the joy of sweet release
One of these days I'll rise above me
And at last I'll find some peace
And then I'm gonna smile a little
And maybe even laugh a little
But one of these days...
I'm gonna love me
-- Tim McGraw

So where in the world is Karmen Santiago?



HEE HEE! Some of these photos are great!
http://picasaweb.google.com/Aquanauten/Sinterklaas2009?feat=recent#5418731083708719298

For the record.. the guy on the right is the one who sneaks into naughty children's rooms, throws them in a sack, and then continues to beat them. :)

For bonus points.. where is Karmen now?

From Festivus 2010

From Festivus 2010

From Festivus 2010

From Festivus 2010

From Festivus 2010

Winner this year.. Jarrett. Orion gave him an Xbox. The boy got close to tears and even now is still greatly moved by the gift. Nice. :)

Mind ya, I was sorta stuck in one position on the floor when these photos were taken. In this case, I set the camera to auto, pointed the flash at the ceiling, and hoped for the best. :P

Tonight I decided to bake some of the cinnabon's that were in the fridge. Ahhh, a cold December night, warm snacks. The settings for the perfect relaxing night. All I need is to light the room with Xmas lights. I still haven't finished putting them up on the porch. Mostly due to the cold.. not the weather, but me being under the weather.

The day of Maria's Bday party, I went shooting with Heather. The plan was to help her with some of the photography skills she was having trouble with. It takes some patience. She really hasn't grasped much of what I've tried to teach her. Mostly because she hasn't been taking many pictures. Hehe.. she claimed to, but she hadn't erased the pictures on her camera, so I could see the photos I took when I first lent her the camera. **Shrug** Ya can't force it. We sat in Pizza Hut to get out of the cold, and I ran her through some of the basics and she began to choke and guess at answers. **sigh** I had to just stop her, take a few minutes and then back up restarting with a single topic... back to shutter speed.

Not really much fun. I was hoping we'd spend the day shooting and practicing aperture, but ahh well. It ended with me having to do what I made Orion do... jump up and down in the cold.

We explored a half torn down industrial building.. not much to shoot there. Might have been cool during morning.

From Photo Excusion

From Photo Excusion

From Photo Excusion

She wants to make money at photography doing some sort of journalism. Her dream might be a little out of reach as she described it to me, but trying to keep her focused on the fundamentals so she might stand a chance to reach those dreams. I'm a little pessimistic if she can't get past understanding shutter speed. Not sure if I can do much about it.. just time.

"Natalie Waite, who was seventeen years old but who felt that she had been truly conscious only since she was about fifteen, lived in an odd corner of a world of sound and sight past the daily voices of her father and mother and their incomprehensible actions. For the past two years -- since, in fact, she had turned around suddenly one bright morning and seen from the corner of her eye a person called Natalie, existing, charted, inescapably located on a spot of ground, favored with sense and feet and a bright red sweater, and most obscurely alive -- she had lived completely by herself, allowing not even her father access to the farther places of her mind. She visited strange countries, and the voices of their inhabitants were constantly in her ear; when her father spoke he was accompanied by the sound of distant laughter, unheard probably by anyone except his daughter." -- Hangsaman, by Shirley Jackson


I love the first half of Hangsaman, but tend to stop reading once Tony shows up. Yesterday I read all the way to the end, and was surprised to find that I like the bits I don't usually read -- they just make me terribly uncomfortable. (And dear Ms. Jackson, it is totally your own fault that everyone thought Tony and Natalie were lesbians.)

Must read The Bird's Nest. Must, must, must.

Blah.. sick last two days.
Symptoms, coughing. Phelm. Fever.Light dizziness with over exertion. Nothing too bad, just puts me in a very shelled mood. Less tolerance for all the acts I see.

Should take about 2 days to heal. Not too much work to get done this week. Wish it would snow so I'd be stuck here and have an excuse just to lay in bed and watch the falling snowflakes.

Things and thoughts in my head... not for public reading. They would cause complications. Blah.

letting some video stream-up, and hence why I am randomly writing. Just in bed watching a movie.

I keep thinking "I need a day off." I mean, I have days off -- I'm no longer doing the Crazy Overtime of Doom -- but they're either days where I'm Forcibly Relaxing because I'm so fried I can't do anything else, or days where I'm running around trying to do all the stuff I've been too fried to do the other six days of the week.

I have days when I'm not going to work. I don't have days where I feel like I have a choice in what I'm doing. And I really miss that.

Bleh. Off to buy myself new jeans.

So as anyone in the maryland area knows we got a whole lot of snow yesterday...like enough in one go that an adult might have some trouble working their way through it now. It's great! First I love snow on principle alone. It's fun to run around in and it's beautiful. Secondly it's the perfect time of year to get a bunch of the stuff and I have a feeling it's going to stay around to some degree for quite a while. I did have to shovel the driveway before eight in the morning yesterday but that's alright since our driveway is so freaking short.

On a Christmas related note I wrapped al of the gifts I currently have and am preparing the cards for sending tomorrow. This is going to be a busy day. Lots of cards to do still.

Oh Jade's friend from Australia was supposed to come in for the holidays yesterday but the snow got his flight canceled. He's stuck in california with Jade's parents until monday.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In January I farted in an elevator (-6 points). In February I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). In November I pulled over and changed myairguitar's flat tire (15 points). In July I gave zoethor a kidney (1000 points). Last Tuesday I stole allonsyalonso's purse (-30 points). Overall, I've been nice (971 points). For Christmas I deserve a red Radio-Flyer wagon! Sincerely, crazycorgilady

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

maybe later when I'm less lazy I'll do that "year in review" meme :3

This past week has been both joyful and heart-breaking.

Vegas was nice. The highlight was seeing Ka.

But watching my family react to my grandmother's pnemonia plus two seizures isn't something I'd wish on anyone. The emotional breakdown was enormous, there was a terrible fear that hovered over all of us. Seeing that small woman, who is 4"11 and wears a size 4 shoe in a ICU bed made her look all the more tiny. At sevenity-nine her hair is still a chestnut brown hair, unbroken by silver or gray. Her face is not weathered, but as soft as a peach - it almost made me afraid to touch her hand, so delicate her skin was, but I felt it may lose its luster the way butterfly wings do when touched.

She's doing better now. I'm at the hospital on a cot, laying beside her with my grandfather on the other side. There's been no more seizures, but she'll have to be on oxygen when we return home. Our heavenly Father gave her back to us, and we'll be taking her home tomorrow. Abba is always showing us grace and we will carry her the rest of the way as long as He wants us too.

Alzhimers is a terrible disease. It kills without killing. The grandmother I grew up with is gone, I only see her in rare coherent moments. But they're precious, every one of them. Every time she smiles I realize the mercy in which Abba gives us mortals to carry on while we lose the things we cherish the most. He brought our family together during a horrific time, and now He's healing us together. We will get through this. We won't put her in a home. We cannot abandon our family, no matter what. It is one of the gifts we are given, and thankfully, that gift grows exponentially over time.

I know I'm at risk for the same disease, as is my mother, but I know that if that day ever comes - I would be so lucky to have the same kind of loving family that I grew up - and continue to grow up - in.

Abba thank you for giving her back to us. Your grace is eternal. I now know without a doubt that Christ has lit the fire in my heart. He has given me strength when I want to buckle. He has given me patience when I want to scream.

I am so blessed to have Abba as my Father, and his Son as my guide.

Amen.

My dad got me a copy of Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins! -- which, if you don't know, is the very best Hanukkah book ever. I read it to myself last night before I went to sleep.

Things are progressing. I have a million plans for the future and less and less time to lay all the groundwork (still to do: get my international driver's license, get a copy of my background check, buy netbook, get Skype, get new clothes.) systemcrasher is gamely keeping up, and occasionally reminding me that I'm starting to froth at the mouth.

We have a safety net. I just have to keep reminding myself that, and not lock myself into things I'm not entirely happy with just to have money.